8/23/2006

Pipe Cleaners


The configuration of my workstation / cubicle / pod / life draining station is such that three women sit in very close proximity to me. While I enjoy talking to them and working with them, I don’t really enjoy hearing about every aspect of their latest dieting schemes.

This week the topic seems to be all about the benefits of a body cleanse. I have my shower every day I tell them. They say no, no, not that type of cleanse, the type where I bore you with details of what I can and cannot eat all week in the hopes of better health, possible weight loss and cleaner pipes.

Word to the wise? I don’t give a shit. Although I’m guessing you do. Or will.

29 comments:

Beth said...

I have friends who have done the body cleanse ... the liver cleanse ... the colon cleanse. As a woman, I too am tired of hearing about the outcomes.

A. Estella Sassypants said...

OK, when you said body cleanse I thought "colon cleanse." I've officially been corrupted by the Klumps or what-the-hell-ever. I hated that movie, but some things just stick to us like donuts on lardy hips.

mellowlee said...

Ew yuckie! Some things should be kept private eh? Ew! While I'm somewhat grossed out, I somehow can't stop laughing. Poor you. I hope they don't talk about this before lunch :D LOL @ pod/life draining station.

Sandra said...

There are some topics that should never be discussed with anyone other than a doctor - cleansing is one of them,

These co-workers of yours- do they know they are next to a writer - if you let them read your blog you will probably be excluded from future similar conversations.

Coaster Punchman said...

Just keep showering at least once a day and you'll do fine.

Old Lady said...

Let's all just die and go to hell! I would just as soon be beat to death than be around a woman on a diet. Women on a diet are a pain in the ass! They inspect your food and tell you how many points, calories, fat grams, blah, blah you are eating and compare it to how much they ate. Grit my teeth!!! Try to turn the coversation around, no dice. Take those channel locks and put them to good use! I'll tell the police you weren't there.

Creepy said...

Coffee enemas for everyone!

jin said...

Hmmm....methinks you need to have a (pretend) conversation on the tele when you KNOW those women are listening.

Scenario #1: You are speaking to the dry cleaners about rejecting your boxers because they are too soiled.

Scenario #2: You are speaking to a doctor about a disease you have that is spread by touching papers, chairs, etc.

Scenario #3: You are speaking to a friend about taking one of those dodgy new 'erectile disfunction' drugs & your 4 hour 'uptime' which seemed to follow you to work.

;-)

Echo said...

Ask them if it cleanses your palate as well (not palette for the *homophonophobic*).

Dale said...

Can you really wash away your sins just by cleaning out your liver? You said outcomes Beth.

And now your brain is Klumpy and hard to Kleanse too Andi. I almost feel bad for you.

It seems to be the topic of the week Lee, before lunch it's what they're going to have, what they wish they could have, what they're not allowed to have and then a post lunch debrief. So to speak.

They're trying to show me pamphlets and really talk it up Sandra. They mean business.

I appreciate the support CP. I'm going to keep right on flossing
and showering.

You are officially my hero Old Lady. I knew you had it going on but this comment seals the deal. They've got their diets but you've got my back.

After you Creepy.

What makes you think any of those conversations are pretend ones for me Jin? You've got some learnin' to do.

D'oh! Echo! Stung! You won't believe this but I had the correct one, changed it and thought, I'll go back later and check it. I bow to your teaching. For any of you who may wonder, Echo is pointing out a spelling error I made in the previous post. Follow his bouncing homophonophobic balls at his blog if you will.

Echo said...

I'd love to take credit for that, Dale, but I had no idea you misspelled palate or was it palette? I couldn't remember how to spell it and had to go back to dictionary.com. You can't post something gross like that without getting the spelling right! It was all dumb luck and coincidence. I swear by my Armor of God pajamas!!!

Mob said...

Wow, good luck with all the gorey details I'm sure you'll be overhearing for the next week or so.

One of the side effects of wearing headphones at work is that when the song or show ends, I overhear some of the craziest shit imaginable.

Women Say The Darnedest Things! will be the name of my television pilot, look for it in a few years...

Dale said...

I saw that you were channelling the Flanders boys over there with your PJs but really, I'm just glad you're out there spellchecking, running the meetings, keeping Grant Miller in line and just being Echo.

The worst is when they involve me in the conversation Mob. I had to boot two of them away from me by gasp, pretending to have important work to finish. As soon as they left, I was back to wishing I had more to complain about. I'm sure your show will run for many a season.

ziggystardust73 said...

urgh.

I hate the constant dieting conversations that surround me in my office too.

so bloody tedious.

Shroom-Monkey said...

start bringing in glass jars of sludge and tell them it is the contents of your lower intestines... Talk about how you never realized how long it took red meat to digest and point to the jar, saying "here, look, right here, I ate that steak like 3 years ago." That will shut them up!

Ben Heller said...

As I type this Dale, the four women who work in my office are talking about PMS.

I can't comment about it to them because I know I'll get the blame for the whole syndrome.

Bre said...

My lord, that sounds completely unappetizing to hear at work!

wonderturtle said...

Try switching the conversation to the upcoming days' weather. That is the OTHER primary conversation topic where I work.

Chancelucky said...

Why do I feel like purging?
Yes, it's vaguely uncomfortable for me when the women where I work start talking out loud about hot flahes, etc.
They keep resetting the thermostat, among other things.

justacoolcat said...

Time to keep a candy jar on your desk.

Dale said...

Very tedious Zig but it give me lots of target practice shooting them down with zingers.

Wow, that's going to shut me up too Shroomy. Unless you let me borrow your jar.

Type softly and wear body armour Ben.

It is very unappetizing Bre and it's not even the worst I've heard discussed.

The way I see it Wonderturtle, there's always a 100% chance of anything happening. Weather, traffic, broken dreams, welcome to the working week.

And by thermostat you mean ....? If you insist on purging, don't get any on you or on my blog please ChanceLucky.

I keep offering all manner of things they can't have to each one of them CC. Yes, I'm a little mean.

Tumuli said...

I abhor office chatter. Like I really care to share all of my personal life with people I cannot stand even for a few hours daily.

At least you're surviving, though.

Coaster Punchman said...

I just remembered: I'm going to be starting a new job that will not require me to go to the office. My life is about to improve, vastly.

X. Dell said...

A monkey wrench to clean your co-workers' pipes? How about a pair of pliers and a snake?

Dale said...

Oh, I get by Tumuli, I make fun of them, they usually don't figure that out and I keep moving Tumuli. Mindless chatter is just that.

That is so great CPman! I'm sure I'd enjoy that myself and would totally commit myself to being productive once I got over the novelty of writing reports in my underwear.

If they ask for a second opinion X. Dell, I'll recommend you.

Berry said...

I totally recommend having some fun with this. Invent an outrageous week-long cleansing regime, and then tell them you know entire cultures that swear by it.

Ooooh, also tell 'em to be careful, though, because they might *permanently* lose 10-15lbs by doing this.

Oh what a hoot! I wanna watch! I wanna watch!

Dale said...

It sounds like you've got their speech nailed down Berry. Are you sure you're not cleansing as we speak?

Berry said...

Quite sure. My idea of cleansing is indulging in an evening of Mexican food.

Dale said...

Haha! That would do the trick in a fraction of the time.