LL Cool Jesus

The first neighborhood I can remember living in as a child was home to what theTownsfolk called the low rentals. It was government built housing for lower income families and we had one of the lowluxe four bedroom models that came with its own refrigerator and stove.

Let it be known that we weren’t so poor that we didn’t have a little something to call our own. We arrived in this situation with our very own fridge. Imagine the lofty distinction of being the only family on the block with two fridges. It made sense until you did the math and realized we could barely keep one of them in food. And so, the downstairs fridge generally sat idle but willing.

My mother was a busy woman being a mother of nine but this did not stop or slow down her active involvement with various Church activities. Her most mysterious affiliation was with the Catholic Women’s League. The only thing we kids knew about the CWL was what she always said when asked what they actually did. Without fail, she would exclaim it’s a national organization! as if that explained everything.

From time to time, the CWL would have a bake sale, presumably by national decree, and my mother would launch into action convening a committee and calling people to find out what they would bake or contribute. She herself was always at the ready with a pan of Queen Elizabeth squares when called upon.

The husband of one of the members of my mother's coven worked at a grocery store and decided to donate a dozen bags of doughnuts, the kind that were sold in a bag with a little cellophane window on the front. As the bake sale was a week away, mom called the auxiliary fridge into action and the bags fit nicely into the usually lonely freezer.

My brother decided that having so much treasure close by was too great a temptation and he hatched a plan. He took a doughnut thinking it might not be noticed. Because one doughnut is widely known to never be enough, he decided he’d take another but this time he took it from the next bag. As the week wore on, he progressed bag by bag until he’d eaten a full dozen. He was full, of doughnuts and himself.

My mother somehow became aware of my brother’s crime against church and committee and he was soundly thrashed for his sins. She repopulated the missing spot in each bag with a doughnut from the final bag and paid for those who were lost in action.

To this day I’m convinced that his nefarious plan would never have been discovered if the CWL hadn’t been a national organization. National organizations have resources. Don't mess with Jesus' ladies.


jin said...

Ok, 2 questions:

1) What are Queen Elizabeth squares?
2) It's Friday night, are you too old to be 'out' somewhere?

(Before you retaliate with 'why is jin home'...I'm NOT! I'm at work. Am supposed to be working! HA!)

Dale said...

2 Answers for you Jin

1) I don't remember the dates but the rest sounds about right. I looked this up on Google.

2) Hmm, not too old but Fridays for me are often spent letting the worries of the week fall away.

Hope you're not supposed to be working too hard. You're blogging and seeing Netflix behind your husband's back aren't you?

jin said...

OH OH OH OH !!!!!
Sorry, anything with the combination of coconut & whipped cream really gets me going! :-D

Ok, not working hard at all tonight...one cake in the oven with paperwork & brochures to procrastinate on.....

As for my affair.....well, c'mon...netflix has ALL the John Waters films ever made!!! Who can possiby resist a tryst with Desperate Living?

Dale said...

John's probably worth the affair then. And yes, those squares were pretty damned tasty.

X. Dell said...

(1) I empathize with the second fridge. Like it I'm idle, but willing.

(2) My grandfather belonged to a secret society, and the hush-hushedness of it all drove my mother nuts. She still scrunches up her face in pain when I ask her about it.

Coaster Punchman said...

Hmmm, was your Mom in Opus Dei as well?

ps: Do you think "Apple Brown Betty" was also named for the Queen? Just wondering.

Beth said...

Now I want a tasty square ...

Ben said...

Great story Dale.

In conclusion,don't mess with the "God Squad"

Holly said...

The recipe link you posted is from some orgnanization in New Mexico, Dale. I don't trust a recipe named for some British monarch that comes from the part of American colonized by the Liz-Tudor hating Spanish. (She is, after all, Queen Elizabeth--the other one is QEII, right?)

Dale said...

Thank you for numbering X. Dell. Sometimes it:

A) just makes good sense

ii) that would be enough to make anyone a little crazy, the secret society stuff.

I try not to ask too many questions Coaster P. Who knows what she's involved with now? As for the Apple Brown Betty, I secretly loved that comment.

Mom could bake anything and has legendary fudge abilities Beth but wasn't so good with the regular food cooking.

Never mess with the God Squad while you're still under their roof Ben. Glad you enjoyed.

Holly! You're home! See why I needed you to be here? I hadn't thought of the recipe facts. I believe the squares were named for the boat, har har. I'm glad you're back.

justacoolcat said...

Times really haven't changed

Angela said...

Mmmm....squares and doughnuts...can you tell I haven't eaten yet?

Mothers see all and know all. It's scary.

Dale said...

You see coolcat, a religion based on chocolate figurines a lot of people could get behind(s).

They're mothereffing scary they are! I hope you've eaten by now. Got to keep your strength up, you're not just a regular freak.

Old Lady said...

Your poor brother. I can commiserate! Especially after all was packed into the bags. When ever I do stuff like that I make a batch for home. It's the only way!

Dale said...

We still laugh about it today and refer to it as The Doughnut Caper.